What is Excessive Jealousy Disorder? Symptoms and Treatment

Excessive Jealousy Disorder Violence, especially against women, is a significant problem in our country, as it is around the world.

Excessive Jealousy Disorder Violence, especially against women, is a significant problem in our country, as it is around the world. Almost every time, the perpetrator of violence tries to justify their actions with statements like "I love you so much; I was just very jealous." But what kind of "love" is this jealousy that leads to beating a woman to death, stabbing, burning, or even pouring concrete over her? Is it not a demonstration of "love," but rather a profound disrespect that poisons the life of the other person, or is it all forms of jealousy?

We discussed the topic of "jealousy," which is cited as a fundamental cause of violence against women, with Clinical Psychologist Ezgi Dokuzlu from Anadolu Health Center. What is this jealousy? Is it an emotion that should exist in every relationship? "Jealousy is one of the most destructive emotions in dyadic relationships and one of the biggest issues between spouses today," says Clinical Psychologist Ezgi Dokuzlu. She notes that jealousy, which can be observed as a reluctance to share a loved one with others in the early years of life, can escalate to troubling levels for adult individuals in later years. "Jealousy manifests itself as a perverse emotional state characterized by the fear of losing the bond with a person with whom a strong relationship is established or the perception that the bond is in danger, resulting in intense discomfort and anger. In fact, jealousy is not exactly an emotion but a complex created by reactions, doubts, and thoughts," she explains.

Here are the insights of Clinical Psychologist Ezgi Dokuzlu regarding jealousy and her recommendations for parents in raising children...

The tendency of individuals who argue that they entered a jealousy crisis and subsequently perpetrated violence against their partner to use this situation as an innocent excuse for their behavior indicates that there are actually larger issues at play, such as anger control problems and a tendency toward violence. It shows that the violent individual does not possess a healthy psychology. For those who resort to violence due to jealousy, even going as far as to harm the person they love to the point of death, this situation is a problem that goes beyond mere jealousy.

Excessive Jealousy Disorder: Men are more selfish in discussions about jealousy

According to research, women tend to adopt a more constructive attitude towards issues related to jealousy compared to men. While men behave much more selfishly during discussions about jealousy, women are more inclined to maintain order and harmony in the relationship. However, despite all this, the level of jealousy does not differ significantly between men and women.

Excessive Jealousy Disorder can be associated with low self-esteem, insecurity, feelings of inadequacy, cultural differences, education level, or deficiencies in communication. Married couples tend to behave more constructively and cooperatively regarding jealousy-based issues compared to unmarried couples. As time passes in relationships, such issues occur less frequently. The longer the relationship lasts, the less reaction and the fewer discussions related to jealousy arise.

Excessive Jealousy Disorder: Humiliation and parents' erroneous behaviors can lead to pathological jealousy

Pathological or "sick" jealousy (Othello Syndrome) can be described as a level of jealousy that is obsessive and experienced to an extreme, beyond what is considered normal. This situation harbors an intense fear of loss and the suspicion that love will diminish due to some factor, resulting in harm to the relationship. This condition is generally observed among couples. It is known that individuals with schizophrenia and bipolar disorder are prone to this condition. In these individuals, issues with self-esteem, childhood traumas—particularly those related to humiliation and abandonment—intense fear of loss, and the erroneous attitudes and behaviors of parents during childhood play a significant role.

Pathological jealousy is more common in men

A person with pathological jealousy may believe that their spouse/partner is doing things in secret and cheating on them, even in the absence of any evidence, and this belief can last for years. There is no need for a logical reason or proof; they have unconditional faith in this belief. They do not want to listen to their partner who wants to talk about the situation and do not believe what they say. Pathological jealousy can occur in both men and women, but it is more prevalent in men and often results in violence. This situation can lead not only to harm to their partner but also to self-harm. Pathological jealousy is typically seen in individuals with paranoid personality traits or those with obsessive-compulsive disorder. Individuals with pathological jealousy do not experience similar issues with anyone outside of their relationship.

We can describe the symptoms of pathological jealousy as follows:

These individuals begin by restricting their partner's life. They may prevent them from entering social environments or limit their use of social media. They do not hesitate to stalk their partner. Even after the relationship ends, they continue to watch and restrict the person's life. They may harass their partner after a breakup and frequently resort to psychological violence. They often express that they experience anger outbursts due to jealousy. As a result, they usually resort to physical violence and believe they have the right to do so.

If arguments have increased and communication has deteriorated in the relationship due to excessive jealousy, support should be sought

Excessive jealousy can be treated with medication and psychotherapy. Trusting each other, maintaining open communication, and keeping empathy at the forefront can help manage jealousy in relationships. If arguments have increased due to jealousy, communication has deteriorated, and the respect or thoughts that couples have for each other have begun to negatively affect the relationship, couples should definitely seek therapy support together.

Those who perceive excessive jealousy as love may have grown up lacking love and attention

Some people desire to be envied. Individuals who want to be envied may actually have grown up lacking love and attention. In other words, they see being loved as "being envied." These individuals, who may have been exposed to indifferent or neglectful parental attitudes and who require excessive attention, may have grown up without love or been raised in an inconsistent manner. Lack of love, inconsistency, or overly exaggerated and empty words of love from the family can negatively affect children's development. A child who does not know or learn what true love and effective communication are may struggle to distinguish between right and wrong in human relationships later on. For example, if a boy's father exhibits jealousy towards his mother and restricts her freedom, the child may confuse love with "possessiveness" in the future.

Excessive jealousy does not stem from "loving too much"

The recent rise in violence against women, even murder, is often explained in the same way: "I loved too much, I was too jealous..." However, experts believe that jealousy is not an expression of love.

Jealous individuals may occasionally express their jealousy as a sign of valuing the other person in an attempt to link it to a rational reason. There is a perception that jealousy arises from love, and that the jealous person's behavior spirals out of control due to this excessive love. We often hear classic statements from the jealous party, such as "I lost my mind because of love." In reality, the situation is not as simple as that. When a jealous person begins to lose control over their inability to share their partner with someone else, this can be defined as a form of discomfort.

Obsessive and compulsive thoughts that are part of a dyadic relationship can harm the relationship, transforming a seemingly innocent feeling of jealousy into pathological thoughts and behaviors aimed at controlling the other person's freedom. It should be recognized that the restrictions in the relationship do not stem from love but rather indicate underlying issues that need to be resolved through effective communication or relationship therapy. Otherwise, the situation can become more complex, and relationships may often end for this reason.

Both mothers and fathers have a significant role

Violence against women is increasingly prevalent in our society. Unfortunately, women are often held responsible and blamed for raising their male children to be violent. But what about the fathers? When it comes to raising children, both mothers and fathers play crucial roles. Here are some suggestions for fathers:

• The father should emphasize respect for the mother at home and serve as a role model for children in this regard. He should respect all women in the family.
• There should be no differentiation between male and female children.
• Fathers should not use nicknames that emphasize their children’s gender.
• Parents should avoid directing children toward gender-specific toys, classes, or activities in their early years (e.g., directing boys to combat sports or consistently guiding toy choices toward weapons or soldiers).
• The father should take an active role in household chores, caring for children, and raising them, without expecting service. He should avoid distinctions such as "women's work" or "men's work."

Suggestions for Families to Raise Children Away from Excessive Jealousy and Violence

• After the age of 3, children should have a certain degree of say within the family regarding specific issues.
• Children should not witness their parents' arguments as much as possible. Even if arguments occur, children should see that constructive discussions can happen when they do not involve destructive or accusatory language. At the end of a disagreement, children should witness a resolution to the issue.
• Parents in the family should be respectful and understanding toward each other, reflecting this attitude to their children.
• Children should feel the bond between their parents. They should be aware that they are a "child" within the family.
• Children should never be belittled or subjected to insults for any reason.
• Sometimes, parents may hide their trips or short vacations from their children to avoid creating problems. This can lead to feelings of abandonment in children. Situations can be explained to children in an age-appropriate manner. Issues that go unanswered or are kept secret may lead to incorrect conclusions in children’s minds, which can negatively affect their future experiences.
• Praise that emphasizes gender in boys can lead to them becoming accustomed to this error at a young age. Especially in our country, what is said to boys can negatively influence their perspectives towards those around them, particularly the opposite sex, in the future. When a child is taught that being a boy is a privilege, they may show less respect toward women around them, including their mothers, and this attitude can reflect in their social and professional relationships.
• Elevating boys with labels like "You're a lion," "You're a tiger," or "You're a real man," and competing them with neighbor's children, especially in front of girls, can trigger sibling jealousy and lead to a loss of equality and fairness among siblings. This is quite unhealthy for children's development.
• The exaggeration of circumcision ceremonies, carrying children on a "throne," and the emphasis placed on the concept of "manhood" during a child's early years, as well as teaching that crying is a sign of weakness for boys, can distort the child's personality, psychology, and beliefs about social relationships.